I'm Glad They Called Me On A Mission

     As I read through what I had written about my mental illness story, I realized that what I said about my mission may have come across in a negative way. I want to be very clear that serving a mission was one of the best decisions I have made. I did mention that I did not think I would have served a mission had I known how hard it was going to be, but oh am I so glad that I was blinded from this information before serving. I would not trade my experience as a missionary for anything. I changed and grew in so many positive ways thanks to my mission. I became bilingual! I was able to be an instrument in God's hands to touch lives! I met people that have touched my heart and changed my life forever! I got to live in France for almost 18 months! I made friends from all over the world! I learned that I can do really hard things!
    I did not really realize it at the time, but I struggled with anxiety and depression to some extent before my mission. The intense stress of the mission triggered these things to become worse. I am so grateful that this happened when it did. Had I not served a mission, my anxiety and depression would surely have been triggered by the stress of marriage and raising kids. I am so grateful that these were triggered when they were so I can learn how to manage and cope with them as a single person, before I have a husband and kids to care for. I am thankful that God is control of the timing of events in our lives. God is good!

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

• Preoccupation with details, orderliness and rules
• Extreme perfectionism, resulting in dysfunction and distress when perfection is not achieved, such as feeling unable to finish a project because you don't meet your own strict standards
• Desire to be in control of people, tasks and situations and inability to delegate tasks
• Neglect of friends and enjoyable activities because of excessive commitment to work or a project
• Inability to discard broken or worthless objects
• Rigid and stubborn
• Inflexible about morality, ethics or values
• Tight, miserly control over budgeting and spending money

(http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/basics/symptoms/con-20030111)

Mental Illness is Beautiful

One year ago I was just starting to realize the good that comes from mental illness. Every day is an uphill battle, but I have seen so many blessings. I have been able to connect with others on a much deeper level because of my experiences with anxiety and depression. In my calling, I am often blessed with the opportunity to listen to girls tell me about their struggles. I have a dear, sweet friend who has anxiety, depression, thyroid problems, iron imbalances, and keratoconus (basically she is losing her sight and needs to have surgery, which she is terrified about). I have another friend who has hashimoto's (thyroid problems), which leads to intense anxiety and stomach pains. Another struggles to feel good enough in the face of seemingly perfect roommates due to her broken family. I am grateful that when they tell me that they struggle with depression or anxiety I can tell them that I understand, and really mean that I know what they are going through because I have been there. Each time I am able to use my experiences to strengthen others is a tender mercy from Heavenly Father. These are moments when I am able to feel like I am being an instrument in God's hands.

Gratitude

This week we had a wonderful devotional (click here to listen to the devotional) by a woman named Marilyn Nelson. She talked about her experience growing up with her mother who suffered from severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. This was in the days before OCD was understood, and especially before treatments were available. Sister Nelson has gone through an incredible healing process, thanks to the Atonement, to be able to recover from her childhood. As I listened to the closing prayer of the devotional, I was filled with gratitude to live at a time when mental illness is better understood, and there are medications and treatments available. It is not so fun to suffer anxiety and depression, but at least there is help available! I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has inspired doctors and scientists so they better understand mental illness and how to treat it! A girl I talked to yesterday described it well when she said that "every day is uphill" but life is more peaceful and joyful than it would be otherwise.

Other Mormons with Mental Illness

Jennie

Krista

Davin

"Solving Emotional Problems in the Lord's Own Way"

This is from an April 1978 General Conference talk from President Boyd K. Packer:

"It was meant to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety, some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal.

Teach our members that if they have a good, miserable day once in a while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things will straighten out.

There is great purpose in our struggle in life.”